When the Tusk Goes Soft
Things aren't working the way they used to.
The Utah Mammoth have now lost five of their last six. I’m sick to my stomach.
I feel like I need some kind of medication to level out my emotional state. I’m up, I’m down—what is wrong with me?
Come on, Austin. Pull it together. The Mammoth just rattled off a seven-game win streak. They unveiled a cotton-candy-blue mascot that looks like Sully from Monsters Inc. discovered creatine. Your inexplicably successful hockey podcast just landed two sponsors for the season. (Please support our friends at Craig Swapp and Payne Anthony Creative Jewelers—thank you, thank you.)
And yet I can’t stay happy. I’m not built that way. I grew up a sports fan in Utah.
That winning streak in October gave me a taste of grandeur—sweet, intoxicating grandeur. It felt like the first time I tried fry sauce. And then, like every Utah sports high, it was ripped away with a string of bad outings. The visions I had of new statues, ticker-tape parades, and a redefinition of the word “triumph” have already faded.
I’ll admit, I went a little overboard. I drank deeply of the Kool-Aid after Logan Cooley’s extension. What can I say? I like Kool-Aid.
But now the pendulum has swung hard the other way. The sky is falling. The bronze statues I built in my mind? Turns out they’re made of peanut butter.
I just want to win, god dammit. It’s been a tough time.
The 2021 Jazz team that blew a 25-point playoff lead.
The Utah football squads that lost back-to-back Rose Bowls.
The god-damn Seattle Mariners. (Not a Utah team, but those are my boys.)
And yes, Jordan did push off. It didn’t matter. It still hurts.
I’m sorry, Mammoth fellas. I know it isn’t fair. You’re new here and easy to love, but we need you to win. It’s not a want. It’s a need. Gotham Lake City needs a hero, and this bat signal has tusks.
This is the home you inherited. We need a winner more than we need affordable housing or the ability to buy wine at the grocery store; both of which, by the way, remain on my personal Utah wish list.
You’re the chosen ones, the team to finally drag this state into championship euphoria. But this skid has exposed a few truths that can’t be ignored. Some of you may not survive it. Some of you may be exiled. I know that sounds harsh, but let’s be honest: Crown Burger is for winners only.
Okay, that was harsh. But it felt funny. It is funny. Lighten up.
Alright, let’s get serious for a minute. Because this is serious. Look at the boys’ faces courtside at the Jazz game on Monday. They looked like they were watching, well, the Jazz. They’re ready for this stretch to be over. We are too.
It’s a critical moment for this bunch. There are issues that need to be addressed now. Yes, it’s early. But teams that lead the pack early often stay out front. In the nastiest division in hockey and a rapidly shifting Western Conference, Utah doesn’t have time to “find itself” with the thoughtfulness of a caterpillar’s metamorphosis. It’s fly or crash, now.
André Tourigny knows this. Did you see his face after Ottawa? It looked like he was already fired and grimacing through the scrum anyway. It’s going to feel like that all month for Bear. Fair or not, every night now feels like an audit. Hot take: if Utah isn’t in a playoff spot at Thanksgiving, Tourigny could be spending Christmas in a different town. I don’t want that but it’s just the reality of the situation.
It’s not all on the coach. Nearly every player has gone MIA at some point during this cold streak. The top-six disappeared until Clayton Keller and Nick Schmaltz dragged the group back into the game on Sunday. Even Karel Vejmelka, Utah’s best player last season, has had wobbles. Maybe the Veggies just aren’t in season yet. The crop needs to come in soon. It’s harvest time.
On Wednesday night, the Mammoth host the Buffalo Sabres. Josh Doan and Michael Kesselring are back in the barn, and the DoanHers probably have something planned that’s equal parts mesmerizingly impressive and bewilderingly psychotic—I say that with love. I’m buying one of them an açai bowl—#AçaíAccountability. That’ll be great, but don’t get distracted by the off-ice fun. This is a huge game. It’s a must-win in November.
The pressure is on. They say that’s a privilege. Time to step up.
You are correct. Jordan did push off!